Four Small Steps to Making a Positive Change in Your life

 

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The ancient prayer, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference," tells a profound truth about life. It reminds us we don't dictate every event that occurs in our lives, but we can and do have control over how we respond and behave. This prayer is not so much a lament to God for divine interference but more an invocation asking us to take charge of ourselves. It invites us to think about what we can do, what we must bear, and how we can get through. Through such a mindset, we can generate productive, significant change in our own lives.

Now, though, let us move on to the steps.

Here is one last question first, though: Are you happy right now? If "yes" is your answer, then terrific. Rejoice in this, cultivate it, and endeavor to lead a productive, significant existence. But if you say "no" or find that something doesn't feel quite right, reassure yourself that you are part of many people who experience glimpses of unhappiness, discontent, or frustration. The good news is that you can shift the situation in your favor.

I would like to share four easy but effective steps to guide you to positive change.

Step 1: Identify the Cause of Unhappiness The first thing to make a change for the better is to know what is causing you unhappiness. This is about making an honest self-assessment. Relax and think: Why am I unhappy? What is it that is frustrating me, stressing me, or not satisfying me?  If you can, write them down. Write down the problems or challenges that are plaguing you.

This is not an exercise in indulging in the negative but one of finding clarity.

Identifying the source of your discontent allows you to begin to work on it.

For example, you might realize that you are bogged down by family responsibilities, stuck in a toxic relationship, or dissatisfied with your career. Whatever it is, naming it is the first step to fixing it. Remember that you can't fix something until you identify what it is.

Step 2: Identifying External Causes

Once you've written down why you are dissatisfied, go back over your list. You might be surprised to find that most of them are external—beyond your control. For instance:

- Family responsibilities: "I'm constantly in the kitchen. I never get time to myself. I'm too tired to work on my goals."

- Relationships: "My partner treats me poorly. They don't love me or respect me."

- Work: "My job is too stressful. I’m not getting promoted, and my salary isn’t enough to meet my needs."

These examples refer to a common human psychology phenomenon known as the "self-serving bias." This bias makes us point fingers at external situations for our problems and forget our own role in the situation. While it is correct that we can't control other people or some situations, only focusing on external reasons makes us helpless. It doesn't let us take action and search for solutions.

Step 3: Identifying What You Can Do

The key to breaking the feeling of helplessness is to shift your focus from what you can't do something about to what you 'can' do something about. Have a glance over the list you wrote down of things that bug you and say to yourself, What do I do about this? This shift of focus empowers you to drive your life.

Let's revert to the former examples:

- Family responsibilities: Instead of getting stuck, ask yourself, Can I involve my family? Can I learn to time-manage better? Can I set boundaries to create space for myself?

- Relationships: Reflect on your own behavior: Am I loving and respectful towards my partner? Am I clearly communicating my needs? Am I contributing to the joy of this relationship?

- Work: Evaluate your situation:

Is this the right job for me? Can I learn new skills to do a better job? Can I explore other opportunities that better suit my goals?

By asking yourself these questions, you open the door to solutions. You begin to see that even in difficult situations, there are things you can do to improve your situation. This is where we must call upon the courage—the courage to act, to change, and to leave our comfort zones behind.

Step 4: Accepting What You Can't Change

While it's powerful to maintain your concentration on what you can control, it is equally important to observe and accept that which you cannot. Life is just as much filled with uncertainty and obstructions beyond our control. You can't, for example, control the death of a loved one, illness, or the actions of others. Where these things happen, the best thing to do is cultivate serenity—the grace of accepting such circumstances with dignity and calm.

Acceptance is not surrendering or accepting agony. It's somewhat more about knowing the nature of things and choosing not to let it rule your happiness. As we accept, or rather embrace, joy in life, we must also learn to deal with pain and difficulty extremely. This enables us to be at peace despite adversity.

Conclusion: The Power of Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom

Life is a collection of experiences—some good, some bad. What these experiences do to us is dependent on how we respond to them. By embracing peace, we learn to embrace the things we cannot change. By summoning courage, we take action to alter the things we can. And by seeking wisdom, we gain the wisdom to understand the difference.

These four steps—finding the source of discontent, recognising external causes, focusing on what you can control, and accepting what you cannot—are not just problem-solving strategies. They are a roadmap to living an intentional, purposeful, and balanced life. When you apply these principles, you take ownership of your happiness and create a positive ripple effect in your life and in the lives of others.

Remember, change is not an overnight process. It begins with small, conscious steps. Start today. Observe your life, act where you can, and let go of what you cannot. And as you do, you will have the peace, the courage, and the wisdom to bring a lasting, healthy transformation in your life.